Tyler

Tyler is my son's leopard gecko.
He was named after my good friend's baby.
My friend was not thrilled with the 'honour'.

Anyhow, Tyler had been with us for quite a few years when we noticed some weird drag marks on the sand in his terrarium.
My son picked him up to check his tail and that is when we noticed the 'blob'.
I don't know how else to describe it, it looked like a hemorrhoid hanging out of his butt slit.
My son was horrified! I was horrified!
He jumped to the worst: 'Is he going to die??'

I promised him we wouldn't let Tyler die and went straight to the Internet to check out gecko butts.
Apparently the can get blocked bowels and all sorts of weird stuff happening down there.
Who knew?
Next step, call the lizard lady; the one at the store where I buy crickets for Tyler.
She agreed it was probably a poop that couldn't come out....Gross!
She told me to put him in a container of warm water every few hours to help loosen the blob.
She also advised that I try to wiggle it to help it come out....even Grosser!
As an added precaution I also booked him in with the vet.

In the meantime, I soaked and wiggled.
Twenty-four hours later it was still there so off to the vet we went.

The vet checked out Tyler and commented what a good looking, healthy gecko he was.
I was filled with motherly-gecko pride.
He then asked my son if he knew if Tyler was a boy or a girl gecko.
His name is Tyler....we assured him he was a boy.
Yes, the vet agreed he was.
He then told us that gecko's have two penises (penis'? peni? what's the plural for that?) and how every year during mating season they both protrude out of his body while he searches for a mate. Sometimes if the terrarium is dry, a penis can get stuck outside of his body, unable to slide back in.
As a result it swells and is stuck outside of his body........

OMG!!! I had been wiggling the penis of my gecko!!
Wanking on his willy.....
Giving him a hand-job......

Was that a gecko grin I saw??

You know those situations when you have an out of body experience and you float back looking at what you have done???
I was reliving the past 24 hours of soaking and wiggling Tyler's 'thingy'!
Of course he wasn't going to die!!
He was probably having a great time!!


In the haze the doctor assured us he would cleanse the penis, lubricate it and slide it back in.
All this for $60.00.
Would I be interested in watching so I would know how to do it if it happened again?
NO!!

Horrified we returned home.
I wasn't able to make eye contact with the gecko.
My traumatized son couldn't make eye contact with me.
The gecko.....I swear that gecko was grinning.

My husband??
He was jealous.....jealous of Tyler the Gecko and his hand-job!