Call Me Crazy!

Call me crazy, but I want some snow.
Lots and lots of snow.
Snow storms, snow drifts, snow piles, snow forts, snow days.....SNOW!

What's the point of living in Canada and not having snow?
What's the point of freezing cold temperatures and no snow?
What's the point of hot chocolate and marshmallows if you haven't just come in from the snow?

What's that I see out my window??
A flake? Two flakes?
Bring it on Mother Nature!!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it SNOW!!

Good Decision

Last night I made a good decision.
A wise decision.
The right decision.

Last night I decided to skip the blog and go to bed.

Last night I had a great idea to blog about.
It was witty.
It was insightful.
It was fantastic!

Last night I had been drinking.
I decided I shouldn't 'Drink and Blog'.
Is there a blogger law about that?
There should be.

Last night I made a good decision.
In this mornings bleary light I realize:
Wit was sarcasm...
Insightful was lame...
Fantastic was over-rated.

Note to self:
Drink after you blog!
It's the LAW!

Tyler

Tyler is my son's leopard gecko.
He was named after my good friend's baby.
My friend was not thrilled with the 'honour'.

Anyhow, Tyler had been with us for quite a few years when we noticed some weird drag marks on the sand in his terrarium.
My son picked him up to check his tail and that is when we noticed the 'blob'.
I don't know how else to describe it, it looked like a hemorrhoid hanging out of his butt slit.
My son was horrified! I was horrified!
He jumped to the worst: 'Is he going to die??'

I promised him we wouldn't let Tyler die and went straight to the Internet to check out gecko butts.
Apparently the can get blocked bowels and all sorts of weird stuff happening down there.
Who knew?
Next step, call the lizard lady; the one at the store where I buy crickets for Tyler.
She agreed it was probably a poop that couldn't come out....Gross!
She told me to put him in a container of warm water every few hours to help loosen the blob.
She also advised that I try to wiggle it to help it come out....even Grosser!
As an added precaution I also booked him in with the vet.

In the meantime, I soaked and wiggled.
Twenty-four hours later it was still there so off to the vet we went.

The vet checked out Tyler and commented what a good looking, healthy gecko he was.
I was filled with motherly-gecko pride.
He then asked my son if he knew if Tyler was a boy or a girl gecko.
His name is Tyler....we assured him he was a boy.
Yes, the vet agreed he was.
He then told us that gecko's have two penises (penis'? peni? what's the plural for that?) and how every year during mating season they both protrude out of his body while he searches for a mate. Sometimes if the terrarium is dry, a penis can get stuck outside of his body, unable to slide back in.
As a result it swells and is stuck outside of his body........

OMG!!! I had been wiggling the penis of my gecko!!
Wanking on his willy.....
Giving him a hand-job......

Was that a gecko grin I saw??

You know those situations when you have an out of body experience and you float back looking at what you have done???
I was reliving the past 24 hours of soaking and wiggling Tyler's 'thingy'!
Of course he wasn't going to die!!
He was probably having a great time!!


In the haze the doctor assured us he would cleanse the penis, lubricate it and slide it back in.
All this for $60.00.
Would I be interested in watching so I would know how to do it if it happened again?
NO!!

Horrified we returned home.
I wasn't able to make eye contact with the gecko.
My traumatized son couldn't make eye contact with me.
The gecko.....I swear that gecko was grinning.

My husband??
He was jealous.....jealous of Tyler the Gecko and his hand-job!

Laugh of the Day!

The Canadian Car.....
Why Canadians need heated seats!



This made me laugh out loud today!
I love a good laugh in the morning :)

PS I don't drive a jeep (so I'm not making millions for showing this)
PPS I really, really want heated seats!

Family Game Night!

They make it look like fun on TV.
Everyone is smiling and laughing.
They are enjoying Family Game Night......
Are they acting???

Family Game Night at my house.....
Starts off slow; we argue over which game and usually one kid is crabby because it's not the game he wanted.
The scores add up.
Someone gets ahead.
The sulking starts.
Yelling.
Accusations.
Name calling.
Game pieces and boards go flying.
Cuss words.
Someone stomps off.
Tears.
My husband and I argue over who is genetically responsible for the boys' behaviour.
We all hate each other.

We've tried to implement some ground rules over the years to help.
We don't keep score.
We set a time limit.
We separate the boys with adults and table corners so they aren't sitting within hitting range of each other.
We feed them, it's hard to yell when your mouth is full.

Sometimes these rules help.
More often then not, they don't change a thing.

The number one way to ensure I have fun at game night??
A glass of wine (or two, or three)!

Gotta love Family Game Night!!

Grocery Shopping

Groceries.

They are a fact of life.
A repetitive chore.
I don't like to do the groceries.

I'm a list shopper.
I make a list of what we need.
I check cupboards and fridges before I go.
I check the calendar to see what our week looks like; how many dinners in; how many have to be fast.
I plan the menu on my list.
I shop for all the ingredients at once, they go on the list.

I write the list in order of where the stuff is in the store and the order I shop in.
Veggies and fruits on the top followed by deli and bakery.
I know the aisles in my store and my list follows the aisles.
Dairy and frozen food at the bottom.
Meats down the side.

I'm a freak....I don't deny it.

Today my shopping experience was a disaster for two reasons.
One, I went to a different store, a Superstore, and the aisles were out of order.

Secondly, my husband joined me.
Now don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with my husband......but as a shopper, he is hard to be with.

He wanders, twice I had to phone him to locate him and the cart!

He is so s-l-o-w, he picks up things and reads labels.
What's up with that? We are on a timeline!!

He puts thing in the cart that aren't on the list!
Today he bought some type of curry sauce.
Did he buy meat to put the sauce on? Nope!
Food to eat with the non existent meat? Nope!
Does he have a plan of when we are going to eat it? Nope!
Am I going to use it? Nope! It wasn't on my list!

Don't even get me started the order he puts things on the conveyor belt for the cashier!
His bagging skills???!!

So grocery shopping is a chore that I tolerate.
Grocery shopping with my husband is intolerable!

Hope for Haiti

The images break my heart.
The outpouring of help and love fill my heart.
The Hope inspires me.

Just Five Minutes

That's all I need.
Five minutes to myself.
Just a few moments to collect my thoughts and write something down.

It's 9:00 on Friday night.
My house is swarming with boys.
I haven't been able to get on the computer.
Now that I'm here, my mind is blank.

Earlier I had some great thoughts.
Some witty thoughts......they were downright hilarious!
Some intelligent thoughts...they were downright brilliant!
Some bizarre thoughts...they were downright weird!
I can't remember any of them.

So what do I do?
Sit here and try to remember?
Or join the chaos upstairs and open a bottle of wine?

Hard choice.
Anyone know where the corkscrew is?

Edited.

Last spring I wrote and submitted an article to a magazine.
It was an assignment for a course I was taking and I spent many hours writing and rewriting.
I wanted to sound professional but I wanted the article to sound like me.
My thoughts, my words, my voice.

Imagine my thrill when I found out in September that I was to be published.
I cried....with happiness and a feeling of accomplishment.

Today, a copy of the magazine turned up at my house.
Saw my contributor photo and bio ....not bad.
Saw the page number and title of my article.... that's not what I called it.
Turned to the article, took a deep breath and read.

Hey, what's going on?
Those aren't my words....
I didn't write that....

The gist is the same; it's basically what I wrote.
Actually, they've changed quite a bit.
Added entire sentences and ideas.
Moved my thoughts around.
Added words I never use.

It's not my style; not my words; not my voice.
I feel disappointed.
I feel like my words, my ideas weren't good enough.
I don't want anyone to see it.
I wish my picture wasn't there.
I won't do this again.

Today I cried....from disappointment.

Helpless

Last night I sat alone in the dark, up in the family room.
The large screen TV sat black and silent.
The only light came from the streetlamp outside and the digital clock on a darkened electronic device - DVD box? Cogeco box? I couldn't make out the shape.
The house was silent and peaceful, my family either in bed or involved in other quiet tasks.
I sat curled up with the dog, covered in a blanket letting the silence envelope me.

After a wile I realized I was truly alone and no one was coming to join me

....... or rescue me.

My heart beating with frustration, my breathing ragged, I raised my fist in the air and assuming a southern drawl just like Scarlett I raged:

"As God is my witness, I will learn to work the remotes and turn on the TV by myself!!!"

What would you do??

Today was a busy day.
My boys had six different places to be, all at different times.
It was just one of those days.

Someone said to me in passing, "What would you do with yourself if you didn't have to drive your kids all over the place? "

Hmmmmmm.........
What would I do?

1. Read a good book.
2. Have a nap on the weekend in front of a fire.
3. Cook a great meal.
4. Entertain.
5. Go out for coffee with some friends.
6. Go out for dinner with my husband.
7. Go see a movie.
8. Go for a walk.
9. Go skating on an outdoor rink.
10. Sit by the lake and think.
11. Write a letter or a card to an old friend.
12. Organize my photos.
13. Daydream.
14. Visit family.
15. Learn to work a good camera.
16. Take a course.
17. Write.
18. Work in my gardens.
19. Play cards and games.
20. Play the piano.
21. Do a puzzle
...... I'll stop there but the list is endless.

Don't get me wrong.
I love what I do (most of the time) and I'm in no hurry for my boys not to need me.
But when they are ready, I'll be ready too.

Believe me, I won't be bored!

Speed Up!!!

Have you ever noticed that the more of a hurry you are in, the slower --people-- drive?
Is it just me?

Need to cross the city in a hurry?
The person in front of you leaves the length of a football field between themself and the car in front of them!
Try changing lanes to get around them?
They speed up! Just-to-piss-you-off!

Trying to make the light before it changes?? ..... because, as I mentioned, I'm in a hurry!
The person ahead of you slows down to admire the shade of yellow!

Trying to fly through the side streets?
Who goes 30 km in a 50km zone??
Only the person in front of me!!

Stopped yet again by a school bus with it's lights flashing??
In my day we walked to school!!
Get out of my way!
Don't even get me started on school bus stop mothers and their driving habits, or worse yet, school parking lot mothers in big SUV's that they can't drive!!!!

I know what you are thinking....slow down, relax, better safe then sorry, you'll arrive alive!
I know you, you're the one in front of me, slowing me down!
BEEP!! Speed up!

Car Wash

I took my van through the car wash yesterday.
It was so much fun!

The anticipation of the water first hitting your car.
Leaning into the centre of the van as the rollers go spinning past your window.
Watching in the rear view as they go across the back of the van.
The whole sudsy, bubbly soap stage.
The anxiety at the idea of being trapped in the middle of the car wash!
Imagining that I am being attacked by a giant octopus when those tentacles go slurping up my windshield!
The spray of the rinse cycle.
Forecasting like Anderson Cooper in hurricane force winds as I dry out.

Did I mention I was alone in the car without my kids?

Help!! I'm a child trapped in an adults body!!

Toilet Talk

Now there's a title that catches your attention!
If you were looking for new phrases or words to add to your potty mouth repetoire, move on.
This blog is covering a much more serious topic.


Toilet talk.
Talking stall to stall.
Is there an etiquette guide?
What's acceptable??


Scenario 1: If two women friends walk into separate stalls mid conversation, is it OK for the conversation to continue?
Should it be put on hold until business is concluded?


Scenario 2: If you are in a stall and you see through the door crack a friend enter the stall next door (sometimes this happens through shoe recognition) is it OK to strike up a conversation?
Is it OK to do it with a friend? Family member? Colleague?

Scenario 3: Business is slow. Can you strike up a conversation with the total stranger in the stall next door?


I thought about it today, and yes, I thought about it while in a stall!
What can I say? I was lonely, starved for conversation and having random thoughts.
I need to know the rules before people start fleeing the washrooms whenever I sit down and speak up!


Toilet help please!!
.... and while I have your attention, I'm out of toilet paper can you pass some under??

Guilt

It's another New Year resolution.
I'm not going to do 'Guilt' anymore.
I do 'Guilt' like a Catholic Irish grandmother.

Haven't blogged for a week...no Guilt.
Forgot to return a call....no Guilt.
Didn't serve vegetables at dinner.....no Guilt.
Should have said one thing instead of the first thing that came to mind....no Guilt.
Was really cranky with my kids.........

OK, I'm working on it.
Baby steps right??

Flour

I received a cookbook for Christmas.
Truth be told, I bought it , gave it to my husband and said "Please give me this".
It's a system that works for us.
What cookbook? More on that later....

Anyhow, as a New Year's resolution, I decided to try new recipes.
In my case....try using a recipe.
Typically, in my house, food comes out of a box.

So, I picked a dessert... Blackberry Cobbler
It had about 5 ingredients....just keepin' it simple to start!!
However, I was stumped.
Self Rising Flour???

I checked the bag under my counter....all-purpose.
I read all the words on the all purpose flour bag, not a word about self rising.
I panicked and phoned a friend who bakes.
She checked her flours...all-purpose, best for bread, wheat....no self rising.
She couldn't help but offered to phone her mom.
I got smart and checked through the recipe book to see if there was a difference.
There was, most recipes called for all-purpose, this one called for self rising.
Of all the recipes, I had to get a fancy one!
No dessert for us!

Next day, the grocery store.
Flour...who knew there were so many varieties?
All-purpose, wheat, pastry, rice, spelt...who cares how it's spelt HAHAHA!
And then I saw it-Brodie XXX self raising flour.
(bright light, heavenly music....music grinds to a jarring stop!!)
XXX?? Pornographic flour?? I just want to cook with it! Seriously!

What makes it special?
It is premixed with the right amount of baking powder and salt and saves time required to measure and mix in these important ingredients.....
I have salt and baking powder at home, I could have coped with two more ingredients!
But nooooo! I had to buy the expensive, fancy-schmancy, premixed, self rising flour for my fancy dessert (with five ingredients)!

Fast forward the story...I measured, I mixed, I baked, it rose (all by itself!), I served, we ate....
Delicious!
New Year's Resolution resolved.
Pan....still in the sink!

I'm Back!!

After 4 months of silence, I've decided to come back!
(....the audience goes wild, I can tell you've all been waiting!)
Waiting? Waiting for what?
If someone knows, please tell me.

Let's talk about the past.
I started this blog as an online summer school course, exploring the realm of Web 2.0.
Each week I wrote about a new Web2.0 application that we were exploring.
(...Oh? says someone in the audience, Is that what all that rambling was about?)

Thanks for reading...to those of you who actually ever did!
Actually, I did this for the assignment not the audience.

But now, now what?
Let's roll with it and see where my ramblings takes me.
If nothing else, I'll babble on and make myself happy without bothering anyone.

It's working.....
I'm smiling already!!